I am trying to lead an ordinary inside life, on my own schedule that is filled but not quite loose. I dress according to my mood: frivolous or grunge. I get up, do my tai chi forms, eat breakfast, attend to household chores, email, haver about the web, consider writing/editing old stories, loose concentration. Eat lunch. After this, I might take a walk with my husband if the weather is ok, or read a bit. Afternoons are for ironing on random days, or I might take a nap—something I very rarely did before, despite life-long insomnia, but recent stress related incidents…
Then a little yoga, 20 min, 45 min (mostly 20). My Spanish lesson: “Yo soy abuela.” Ok, the vocabulary is coming slowly. (I still have to look up English words when I read, for heaven’s sake!) And grammar is years away. “Mi camisita es rojo.” Why does “T-shirt” sound so much like Kama Sutra?
I check-up on friends by phone, which is as much for me as for them.
Then back to the internet, a quick scan of social media (until my heart starts to pound). Is it six yet? Close enough. A glass of wine, two lately, generous pours. My husband insists on watching, at the least, local news. I practice avoidance by clanking pots and dishes, supper preparation. (I also avoid the orange villain and his horde holding their daily rallies to pronounce untrue prevarication, antipathy, and ugliness.)
After supper, clean up, shower, TV, reading, lights out. There is some roaming in the the night, some reading, snacking, Ambien.
Outside, the city (New York City) is eerily silent and clear. We normally have to go to the Planetarium to see stars, some are visible now without the admission cost.
Does it sound peaceful?
Actually we live anxiety attack to anxiety attack, nightmare to nightmare. Heart pounding, eye burning, hypochondriac blips, wondering if I should write that last letter to my husband, children, grandchildren. (I love you, LOVE you, proud to have been your wife, mother, grandnan…)
For all of you out there who are getting work done and children home-schooled, I’m awed by you. You have my enduring respect. For those of you who are going out and doing your jobs: medical, police, delivery, garbage, mail, grocery workers, truck drivers, firemen..for all of you, 10,000 blessings. And 10,000 more.
Virtual hugs to everyone. Namaste. Peace. Power. Whatever that Star Trek thing is, “Wakanda forever,” military salute, high-five/fist bump mime, air kiss…